“The last time someone called me crazy, I wanted to kick them in the shin.  Then I heard that I am “suffering” from Bipolar.  Clearly, I am still here and functioning well and the last time I checked, I actually survived and I am coping very well with bipolar disorder.  So please do not say that “I am Bipolar”. I HAVE Bipolar Disorder! I remember the first time I had a manic episode.  I had all this energy to clean the house and wash its windows but at the same time, I was extremely irritable with the perception that the house was made dirty for me to clean up.  I believed that no-one else could clean the way I do and I even conjured up ideas of how I can personally renovate and reconstruct the house to appear better.  I suddenly had so many ideas and in trying to explain to my mom what we will do, I barely made any sense and even started crying at one point when she asked me to calm down and breathe.

I started spending money on trivial things which I did not need and I did not mind picking up new friends every second night or so at the hang-out places in my town.  My mood was so high, it felt like I was piloting a fighter jet.  I felt very tired but could not sleep at night and even though I took really short naps, I got up early and felt refreshed and ready for action the following day.  My parents soon realized that something was not right.  They have experienced me with low moods due to depression, but this was a completely different ball game for all of us.  I argued constantly and did not want to visit any doctor just in case I get hospitalized again like when I had depression.  I did not understand what they were on about because I was feeling great and on top of the world.

One day I got out of bed with a very bad cough.  I have been out many late nights and it was the start of winter.  I felt like I was coming down with the flu, and my mom insisted I get a prescription from the doctor to get medication for the cough.  Eventually I agreed and there I was, marching off to the doctors’ rooms in single file. My parents insisted that they wanted to join me so I relented and along they came. I started explaining about my cough and before I knew it, the topic changed into a discussion of my sudden euphoria and belief that I could conquer the world like “Wonderwoman”.  I sat there listening to my parent’s worries and confusion about my behaviour and their fear that I might get hurt or even die.  It sounded like a ride on a roller-coaster and it dawned on me that I actually felt as fast and slick like a roller coaster.  The doctor gave me my cough medication which I went there in the first place to obtain, but he also recommended that I consult with my psychiatrist as soon as possible.  In fact, he made the appointment for me for the following day.

After the assessment with the psychiatrist, I was advised that I could have bipolar disorder which is also a mood disorder.  I was hospitalized and the next few days I spent using medication and attending therapy to get my mood back to normal again.  It was about the fifth day where I felt so exhausted that I could not get out of bed.  My body felt like it was hit by a truck.  I just stayed in bed for the longest time that day.  I then knew that a new journey had started for me.  I was ready for action…of a different kind, but I was ready.

My name is Hershia and I live with bipolar disorder.  If I ever again hear that you say “I am bipolar”, I will kick you in the shin.”

Having celebrated Bipolar Awareness Day in the past week, the story of Hershia above is very touching and very telling of what it is like for someone living with bipolar disorder.  It takes a lot of courage and determination to live as normal and productive as possible each day.

Mental Health Professionals suggest the following coping strategies for bipolar disorder:

• Building structure into your life by developing and following a daily schedule can help to stabilize mood swings associated with bipolar disorder.
• Develop set times for waking, eating socializing, exercising, working, relaxing and sleeping.
• Be aware that at times it may be difficult to follow a schedule but establishing a regular pattern of activities is very helpful.
• Identify people who can support you when necessary. These may include family, friends and colleagues who understand.
• Experts advise that a combination of medication and psychotherapy is very effective. Sometimes, and in severe episodes of mania, hospitalization becomes necessary to stabilize the individual and then other coping mechanisms are suggested.
• Following a healthy diet and exercising regularly is important and helps to maintain focus throughout a day.

Living with a mood disorder such as bipolar disorder and as in the case of Hershia, is a task with many challenges.  The great news is that it is treatable and can be managed to allow millions of people the ability to live a good quality and productive life.  That is ultimately what we are here for…

“Good morning class”. “Good morning Mrs Baker. How are you today?”, the choir of Grade five learners respond.  Mrs Baker looks into the eager eyes of her Grade five learners.  “I am well thank you class. Are you ready for the day?”, Mrs Baker asks. “Yes, thank you Mrs Baker”, the little eager beavers reply. Mrs Baker continues: “Today we are going to learn about hygiene.  Who knows what hygiene is?”, Mrs Baker asks the little ones. She suddenly sees a sea of hands going up, waving at her to give an answer. “Yes dear?”, she points at a little brown eyed boy. “It is when you have to wash your feet mam…everyday!”.  The entire class bursts out laughing. Mrs Baker develops an endearing smile on her face. “Do you think you only have to wash your feet every day?”, she looks at the little boy’s face. “Yes mam, my mom says so. But she also says your hands must be washed”, he answers with his chest out and a look of confidence on his tender face.  Mrs Baker continues: “And why do you think you have to wash your feet and hands every day?”. Again, she can see a sea of hands and she chooses a little lad who is almost on his feet, to answer. She nods with her head for him to answer. Ever so proudly he announces: “You have to wash your feet so that you don’t get smelly paws…my mom said so!”. The class roars with laughter and even Mrs Baker joins in the merriness of it all.  She eventually calms them all down and continues: “Yes, your moms are all correct. Hands and feet and even paws must be washed.  That is what we will learn about today class.  So, who knows, do we have to use soap when we wash our hands?” Again, she witnesses a sea of hands and smilingly wonders what she will hear this time around.

Before the Corona Pandemic, the brief conversation and introduction of hygiene to a class of Grade fives would seem quite normal.  However, if you think about it today, this conversation has been magnified and intensified to the point where we even panic if we did not wash our hands, especially if there was no soap involved.  The basic lesson to a class of Grade fives has become a gospel that we listen to every day. One that we also have to practice religiously every day.  The pandemic has increased anxiety and stress in many people.  Like a hurricane we have watched as it seemed that the world is spinning out of control.  The mental health of millions of people was impacted in alarming numbers.  All the while people are worried that something that may seem so small, like not washing one’s hands, could lead to contraction of the virus which may result in severe illness and even death. The messages of washing hands, disinfecting surfaces, wearing a mask and avoid touching one’s face, has become a global message as the world try to fight the corona pandemic.

Although the general population may experience high levels of stress and anxiety in the face of the pandemic, people suffering with a mental illness such as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) may experience very high levels of anxiety and even have intensified symptoms of their own condition as they try to keep their behaviour under control in the pandemic.  The well-needed safeguards mentioned above can serve as triggers for someone living with OCD.  People fear that they have not washed their hands enough times or have been in close proximity to someone who may be carrying the virus and they have contracted the virus from this person or persons.  This could lead to worry over keeping daily routines or rituals and the possibility that the doctor may not be able to help.

Many people worry over the possibility that Covid-19 can cause OCD.  Mental health experts advise that OCD can be caused by many things such as changes in brain and or body chemistry, genetics, and habits learned over a period of time.  Experts in the field advise that the long-term pattern of OCD makes it unique and that it does not come on suddenly, even at the onset of something as daunting as Covid-19.  Although many people feel anxious about the coronavirus pandemic, the need to solve something through rituals and or compulsions (like in OCD), is absent.  People are able to focus on other things and take a break from worrying but will remember to follow the guidelines for keeping themselves and others safe in the pandemic.  For people suffering with OCD, it may not be so easy to rid themselves from the fear and anxiety coupled with compulsions.

For someone suffering with OCD, there are many ways to get relief when dealing with the requirements of the pandemic:

• Remember, most people who get the coronavirus do not always have serious complications;
• Follow the advice from health care professionals without over-doing certain activities like washing hands;
• Get information from reliable sources and professionals;
• Ensure that you remain in touch with trusted support structures and people who understand the mental health challenges that you experience.

For people not living with OCD, the following are useful tips to manage anxiety:

• Follow the normal requirements for managing safe behaviour related to the corona pandemic – like washing hands, wearing masks and disinfecting surfaces regularly;
• Maintain social distance but do not isolate and withdraw from other people as this may lead to depression;
• Seek information from reliable sources and limit the time and exposure to social media and other platforms which may increase anxiety. Remain informed but work to lessen the anxiety caused by this exposure;
• Create time for things that are enjoyable e.g., read a good book, listen to music, sing or dance, get some fresh air, watch a good movie and learn to laugh more while taking time to relax as well.

Experts in the field of Mental Health have cautioned that it may appear that the line between pathological behaviours and adaptive health and safety measures may have been blurred as the world responded to the Corona Pandemic.  Behaviours that may be symptomatic of a bigger mental health challenge such as repetitive washing and sanitising rituals, are now encouraged on a global scale by health authorities in an attempt to control the spread of the coronavirus. The stress and anxiety caused in lifestyle changes by the coronavirus is intense, and the impact thereof can not be undermined.  Mental Health experts advise that there is always help during this time and creating a support-list is a priority in coping with the demands of the corona pandemic.

Who ate my chocolates? I am sure I had half of it left…or was it four blocks? Who ate my chocolates? Or, was it I that ate my chocolates? Or, what ate my chocolates?  Have you ever had to ask all these questions?  When you can even taste the aftermath of chocolate lingering in your mouth.  You know that there were still some chocolates left.  However, you still cannot tell…who ate your chocolates? Let’s not forget to add “why” did the “who” eat my chocolates? Or was it I that ate my chocolates? Why do I feel so strange? Is it because I ate the chocolates…and I ate it all?

When I reflect on the happenings in the world in the last year, it sometimes feels like there was a shift in gear and we were all transported to another planet in no time. The Corona pandemic has changed our lives forever.  It has shaken us and we have had to look in the daunting eyes of loss so many times in the months that have passed.  As a collective, the human race has lost so much, and the notion of individuality was severely challenged. We came to the realization that we are not so individual as we might have thought.  If one just thinks of how easy the Corona virus can spread, we understand the impact on the collective and we have all witnessed the consequences.  Now unlike the sweet, lingering taste of chocolate in the aftermath, the bitter aftertaste of loss still lingers in our mouths.

We see and experience this especially when we start questioning the aftertaste of the loss:  Why did I hug someone? Why did I have to go to the shop? Who did I get the Corona virus from? Who did I give the Corona virus to? Why can I not visit my ill friend or relative? Why did our loved ones die? Why did I not die? Why am I still alive?

In this endless list of “who’s” and “why’s”, a faithful friend called SURVIVOR GUILT is born.  Faithful, because it is not so easy to let go of this friend when it is time to say goodbye.  Faithful because this friend called survivor guilt returns many times.  For some, it may be easier to work with the acceptance and move on, but for many, this seems to be a great difficulty because friends are close and remain faithful. The suffering happens in silence and complex grief sets in.  There is a constant nagging feeling that you have done something wrong for merely surviving something tragic.  At this point there is the realization that there is no sweet aftertaste like the chocolate and smiles when looking for the missing chocolates.  Mental health professionals caution that if survivor guilt is not managed effectively, it could lead to anxiety, depression and PTSD.

Experts in the field share the following useful tips on how to deal with survivor’s guilt:

• Give yourself permission to feel and express your emotions
• Challenge the impulse to withdraw. Access support from others – family, friends, colleagues etc.
• Instead of asking “Why me?” try “Why not me?”
• Explore ways to express gratitude or do something good for others
• Practice being kind to yourself – be gentle with yourself
• Use compassionate self-talk and prioritize self-care
• Seek support from a mental health professional if you start to experience suicidal thoughts or feel that you need to learn more constructive coping techniques.

As we look with hopeful eyes at the horizon to introduce a new dawn and an end to the pandemic, we take comfort in knowing that although our individuality was challenged, the collective became united to fight the pandemic and reach the shores of safety after the storm.  There is still a long way to go.  Many chocolates still to be eaten…many “who’s” and “why’s” … and the ultimate knowing that I am not alone.

“Mommy…what is deplethion?” I slowly look up from the book that I am busy reading.  I look into the big and sparkly eyes of my five-year-old daughter.  She smiles and I immediately catch a glimpse of the two missing front teeth which the tooth fairy so generously rewarded. I take it I did not hear correctly. I ever so politely say “excuse me dear, what did you ask?”. “Mommy! Do you know or don’t you know! You always say mommies know everything. So what is deplethion?”

I can clearly hear a note of irritation coming through as the little person in front of me challenges me with my own waft of wisdom I get to use daily and just because I am a mother. I actually did hear correctly.  The little angel in front of me asked me to explain to her what depression is.  My heart starts racing, I feel my head swinging and a warmth flushes over my entire body. “Where did you hear that word sweetheart?” I curiously asked. “Bombo on the TV said that Tombo was lazy, because he just sits there, does not want to eat, does not want to smile and sleeps all day long. So Tombo said he thinks he has deplethion because he is not a lazy person.” I listened attentively to some of the symptoms of depression being relayed by a five-year-old.  I stand there and think to myself that there is no way of stopping this train.  It started rolling and I have to jump on it. I gently take the hand of the little angel and started a story…

“One day, there was a little birdie called Mimmie.  She had a little house shop in the forest. All the animals always came to buy her lovely crispy cakes.  One day, the King of the forest, Leo the lion, announced that many animals were not feeling well and everyone must stay in their nests, coves, caves and holes so no-one else can fall ill. Mimmie was very upset because she had to bake every day. “Who will buy my lovely cakes” she wondered.  Everyone went into their houses and no-one saw each other anymore.  Sometimes they would meet at the waterhole, but could not talk because they were not allowed to stand close to each other.  Life for Mimmie and the other animals changed so much.  Mimmie did not want to eat anymore.  She had no appetite.  She did not feel like baking anymore. She did not know who will buy her cakes.  She did not sleep so well anymore. Every night when the stars shone bright, she was so worried and would think so much over what is going to happen. In the morning she was so tired and could not get out of bed.  She spent most of her days indoors and did not want to speak with anyone, even if she got the chance to.  Mimmie was just feeling so sad and down over everything. This went on for a long time.  Finally, the king announced that everyone may come out again as all the animals started getting better.  Everyone was so happy, but Mimmie could not come out.  She still felt so sad every day and although the animals begged her to bake again, she just could not do so.  Then they decided to make a new bakery for her, right in the middle of the forest and close to the waterhole where she could see everyone every day.  They wanted her to see that she is not alone and that they miss her too, especially her delicious, crispy cakes. One morning all the animals came together at the waterhole. Suddenly they saw Mimmie coming along to collect her morning water.  She still looked so sad and even thin.  They were determined to have their old friend back.  As she came close to the waterhole, everyone jumped forward and shouted “SURPRISE!! We love you Mimmie!” Mimmie was startled and could not believe her eyes.  Her friends had made a new bakery for her – close to the waterhole where everyone could see her and she could see them.  Her heart leaped and she was overwhelmed with joy.  Everyone came to hug her and welcome her back.  She did feel better to see them all and thanked everyone one by one.  “I missed you all, and it feels good to be back”, she smilingly said.

I looked at the smiling face of my little one as she listened to the ending of my story. “Ladybug…do you think that Mimmie was lazy when she did not feel like baking anymore? Or when she was feeling all alone and sad? Or even when she did not want to eat or could not sleep. Do you think that she was lazy?” I watched as her head was slowly rocking from side to side and she said “No mommy, I don’t think she was lazy.  Maybe she was like Tombo.  He was also like that.”  Then suddenly I saw her eyes lit up and she excitedly asked: “Mommy, do you think that is deplethion? Tombo and Mimmie had deplethion? They are not lazy!”.  I smiled and was amazed at how quick the connection came. I answered “Yes baby, those are some of the things people with depression may go through”.  “MXM! Silly Bombo!”, the little miss clicked her tongue and walked out the door to find her puppy friend.

At the onset of international lockdowns all over the world in 2020, many people struggled with coping with the demands of the lockdowns in order to curb the spread of the Corona virus.  Many people could successfully move through these massive changes, but for many people the change in reality was just too strange and impactful.  Mental Health Professionals suggest a few coping strategies for individuals struggling with depression:

• Medication and or Psychotherapy (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy – CBT and others)
• Following a healthy diet and exercise routine daily (even for short periods of time)
• Setting structure to the day by following a guided time-table
• Set realistic and small goals for each day, then week, then month etc.
• Attend a community support group or online support group (SADAG)
• Adopt a hobby – like painting/doodling/scrapbooking/riding a bicycle (the possibilities are endless…)
• Allow family and friends to provide support, love and care during these trying times
• Take care of and be gentle with yourself

While we all try to settle in with our new reality caused by the Corona virus, it has become so important to be mindful of what people around us go through. Before we judge and think it is mere laziness, we may want to stop and take a look and listen to the possible outcry for help…