To get through our day as sane as possible, we often tend to tolerate situations, people and behaviours which may be bad for our emotional wellbeing. Often we tolerate these things because we may not have the skills needed to address them right away. Other times, we may not address them in order to avoid conflict or negative emotions, or because addressing them is a straight-up inconvenience. You may have even built up quite an impressive tolerance to your emotional stressors, but there are some things you should never tolerate.
- Unhappiness at work
If you take a 24-hour day, there are three basic time clusters: 8 hours of sleep, 8 hours of work and 8 hours for all the other things that need to be done (most of the time work bleeds into this area too). That means that one third of your day is spent at work, and if this is a source of unhappiness, change has to take place. There may be many reasons people are unhappy at work. Some of the top reasons are:
- People feel that that their pay does not match their efforts and commitment.
- Uncertainties surrounding what their employer’s expectations are of them, along with unclear communication.
- Lack of social connectedness – people do not take the time to create strong working relationships anymore, it is all performance driven.
- The work itself – very often people are in occupations which simply do not complement their personality, skills or lifestyle.
- Negative working environment. The learning of some basic life skills, such as effective communication and conflict management, assertiveness and self-knowledge, may give some answers as to why you are so unhappy and can allow you to make changes accordingly.
Love is not a reason to tolerate disrespect. Setting healthy boundaries and being able to enforce these boundaries is essential to the success of any relationship, whether it be professional or personal. Respect starts with me; I cannot expect a person to respect me or my boundaries if I don’t have respect for myself.
There is nothing more soul crushing than ruminating over negative thoughts. Don’t get me wrong in saying this, I do not expect you to go through life as “Miss Suzie Sunshine” but do become more aware of your thoughts and challenge the ones that cause unsettling emotions, because they are most likely irrational. Thoughts which include the words “always, never, should, must or ought” are great examples of irrational thinking. Other irrational behaviours include catastrophizing, all or nothing reasoning, emotional reasoning, fallacies of control and the need to always be right.
- Unhealthy lifestyle
We probably all have a Pinterest board or have fantasized about our dream home and how it will be decorated. Well, the one home you are going to have to live in your entire life is your body. So if you would not be willing to live in a pigsty, don’t treat your body like one. Our bodies need plenty of rest, exercise, water, vitamins, minerals and TLC to produce those feel-good chemicals. If you want your body to be good to you, be good to it.
- Financial problems
Financial problems and debt cause stress. Stress has been linked to many physical ailments, like high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, anxiety and depression. However, most people do not address their financial problems – they merely avoid them, resulting in a snowball effect of stress. Financial problems should not be avoided, because in doing so, one does not plan for financial security, financial stability, wealth or growth. Sorry, but the “head in the sand” method does not work here!
Do not live by the ideals others have created for you, you will go through life believing that you are inadequate because it will be impossible to live up to the measures of others. Self-doubt may be an indicator of emotional hurt and neglect. Identify the areas in which you feel this self-doubt and start evaluating the situation based on you own expectations.