If not ask why…

This morning someone approached me to have a talk. The person explained to me that they are feeling very down. Then the person said “I’ve been battling my whole life and I can’t take it anymore”.

This got me thinking. We sometimes feel exactly like that, but I would like today, to remind you that even in the darkest and lowliest of times we all have some aspect of our lives that was at very least good. My colleague unwittingly assisted with this train of thought when I mentioned that I was having a down day. “Have you laughed today?” she asked. I did not answer but I had laughed. We truly need to do our best to stop focussing on all the bad and negative to the point where it seems that its so much more than the good and positive. We do need to count our blessings and find and identify the good things the positive elements, especially when we feel down.

Have you laughed today?

(If not ask why…)

happy collage

Learn the science of happy

Positive psychology is all the rage these days (okay it has probably been for some time) and to tell you the truth I have been drinking the Kool-Aid. One aspect of this that I find very interesting is that now it has become a science. No, really I have found article after article regarding the “science of happiness”, but what does this science say and how does it work?

After reading blog after blog and one web page after the other I have realized that they all say very much the same things just in many different ways. Some I have to admit have found very cute and interactive ways of saying it. One website I came across refers to it as happify (I found it to be a fun way of putting it). The happify website adopts an S.T.A.G.E framework which are basically five happiness skills that will help you build your happiness.

The five key happiness skills include: Savor, Thank, Aspire, Give, and Empathize.

The-Science-Of-Happiness-Infographic Continue “Learn the science of happy”



Good day everyone!

I know a lot has been said regarding perception. Apparently not enough has been said though, because it remains a problem.

Perception in the sense of misinterpretation of intentions and /or perception in the sense of seeing something from the wrong viewpoint.

So many of us listen but do not hear. We listen with what we want to hear or what we think we should be hearing. Then we base feelings and actions on that! Frightening if you thing about it. How many decisions have we based on complete inaccurate information? Best remedy for this is to stop contemplating while someone is talking and to actually listen. Perhaps even add a summative question to show and check that you have understood correctly. Continue “Perception”

The article that made me think

A few days back I came across this amazing article written by Merih Büyükcivelek. I found it very interesting as it spoke to me on a very personal level.

It spoke to me because I find being an adult as no joke, Sure it has it’s perks like you can drive yourself to where ever you want to go or buy things you like, right? Wrong, most of the time you are so tired you don’t want to go anywhere or do anything and you probably do not have enough money left at the end of the month, after paying all your ‘adult’ bills, to buy what you want.

I have heard many people talking about how they wish they could go back to the days where their biggest worry was what mom packed for lunch. 

However, the article challenges these thinking pasterns as it highlights how we tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our partner gets his or her act together, how life will be better when we get a nicer car, or when we are able to go on a nice holiday.

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married or have a baby.

Then we are frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough, and we’ll be more content when they are older.

After that, we’re frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.

Happiness Continue “The article that made me think”

Things don’t always happen for a reason, the words merely sting.

Working in the field that I do I get confronted with grief quite often and even though I have received training on how to work with grieving individuals, there is simply no book or theory or even words that can simply take that pain away.

We all have met and supported a grieving individual. We ourselves might have gone through this painful process. However, we still do not always know what to do or say, words fail us most of the time and in the process of “helping” we may even cause more confusion and pain.

So today I would like to share a piece with you that gave me new insight into what to say and do to support someone dealing with a loss.

“I’m listening to a man tell a story. A woman he knows was in a devastating car accident, and now she lives in a state of near-permanent pain; a paraplegic, many of her hopes stolen.

I’ve heard it a million times before, but it never stops shocking me: He tells her that he thinks the tragedy had led to positive changes in her life. He utters the words that are nothing less than emotional, spiritual, and psychological violence:

“Everything happens for a reason.”
He tells her that this was something that had to happen in order for her to grow. But that’s the kind of bull that destroys lives. And it’s categorically untrue.

grief Continue “Things don’t always happen for a reason, the words merely sting.”

New Year’s resolutions

Every year on the first of January we make New Year’s resolutions – how we are going to do things differently in the New Year. Some would like to travel more, while others promise to visit family regularly.
But the most common resolution is to get fit and join a gym. On the second of January, we sign a contract and on the third we’re on the treadmill. But often, that resolution doesn’t even last till the end of the month!
I would say the reason for this is because we jump into a contract and it all sounds good, but I’ve seen that people don’t plan on how and when they will be able to get to the gym. Some are even keen to start at six o’clock in the mornings, but did not take into account that their job might require working late, going to bed tired at twelve in the evenings and having to wake up at five to be at the gym at six. Five hours sleep each day of the week is not healthy for anyone because sleep is very important. Continue “New Year’s resolutions”

They won’t laugh!

People who are overweight often say that they would like to join the gym, but instead of taking a step towards the gym they take a step back. They all have a common thought: ‘What if people laugh at me?’ Or ‘I’ll be the joke of the gym. They will say I give give the gym a bad name. The gym is only meant for athletes!’

I have joined different kinds of gyms at different times in my life and every single time when I signed up with a gym, there were two thoughts in my head: ‘They will laugh at me because I’m overweight and I have a disability!’ But that wasn’t the case at all. Yes, many of the people there look so good in comparison to me, but I also saw people like me who want to get fit and lose weight. I realised that people don’t point fingers at anyone because everyone goes to the gym for the same reason: to get fit and feel better about themselves! Should they laugh, it would defeat their own purpose for going to gym to exercise. Continue “They won’t laugh!”

How to keep to your New Year’s resolutions!

It is the New Year and you have all probably made and broken your New Year’s resolutions. Don’t worry, keeping to New Year’s resolutions are easier said than done. Some even stop making them all together to avoid the heartbreaking experience of not keeping to it.
However, the real reason we make New Year’s resolutions is because we have this thing in us called hope that makes us aspire to more than what we are or were. We want to be better, we want to have and be more and what a better time to start something new than a new year which is filled with hope and the promise of something new.
So today we will be talking about how people keep their New Year’s resolutions (at least until June)

1: Keep doing it!
Many think that keeping to your New Year’s resolutions are simple, all you need is to want it bad enough. The reasoning behind this is simple enough, if you want it bad enough the motivation will just ooze out of you. However, this is not the case, motivation does not just come because you want it to. Motivation, like most things worthwhile, take work and practice. Therefore, the best way to keep on doing something is to keep on doing something. The first step is to really think about what you want to get done then set and create a workable plan and then make sure you keep to it no matter what. Continue “How to keep to your New Year’s resolutions!”